The term selfie has become so immersed in our culture that not only has it has been officially entered into the Oxford English Dictionary, but “selfie” was Oxford English Dictionary’s Word of the Year for 2013. It is described as an individual holding a camera or smartphone at arm’s length to takes a picture of their face.
How many selfies have you taken? Is it possible the obsession with selfies acts as a mirror image of broken relationships in our culture today?
Selfishness is an attitude of being concerned with one’s own interests above the interests of others. The Bible is very clear: “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4).
It is stated that the top 10 reasons for divorce are: 1) Infidelity, 2) Money, 3) Lack of communication, 4) Conflict, 5) Weight gain, 6) Unrealistic expectations, 7) Lack of intimacy, 8) Lack of equality, 9) Not being prepared for marriage, 10) Abuse (www.marriage.com). I believe the common thread for all of these is selfishness. Being over concerned with “selfies” is one of the main reasons for the breakdown of relationships.
I stated in my book Before You Say I Don’t (page 4) that since the fall of man, we have seen how humanity has a tendency to “live for self”. Selfishness is part of our DNA. The “me first” attitude has significantly impacted the commitment to “until death do us part” in our culture today and is viewed drastically different than it was just 10, 20, or 30 years ago. God’s plan was for the essence and joy of marriage to be a sacrificial commitment for the good of the other. Because it is part of our DNA, our sin nature, it is important to know how to overcome and look to the interests of others instead of our own.
I recently came across an invaluable personality resource. This resource is called the Enneagram and it can be used to help us identify and become more aware of our blind spots and selfish tendencies as it relates to our personalities. It helps us to recognize how the Gospel can penetrate our “personality type” and free us to find our true identity, our identity in Christ.
A close friend once stated that the Enneagram saved their marriage because for the first time they were able to understand their spouse, and why they acted and reacted the way they did. I have been chosen to be part of a new book launch entitled, Becoming Us by Beth and Jeff McCord. The purpose of the book is to use the Enneagram to create a thriving Gospel-Centered marriage by each spouse identifying their “Type” and understanding how it interacts with their spouses “Type.” I highly recommend finding your Type (go to www.yourenneagramcoach.com) and then purchasing their book (The book will officially launch in a few weeks).
The more honestly, we look at ourselves, and try to understand our spouse in light of who Christ says we are, we will begin to thrive in our marriage as God intended. Larry Crabb says, “Christ has made me secure and significant. Whether I feel it or not, it is true. I am instructed by God to believe that my needs are already met and therefore I am to live selflessly, concerned only with the needs of others. The more I choose to live according to the truth of what Christ has done for me, the more I will come to sense the reality of my security and significance in Him.” You cannot change or control your spouse, but you can change yourself and your understanding of your identity!
For this to happen we may need to begin to change your mindset. Understand that you are now one. Anything you do directly affects each other’s lives and marriage. Start thinking as “WE,” not “I. Here’s a good question to ask yourself, “Is this what is best for both of us, or just me?”
Selfishness is all about getting. Selflessness is all about giving. Are you giving to and serving your spouse?
